Author Topic: Blame it all on the gay agenda  (Read 1590 times)

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Offline slslbs

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Blame it all on the gay agenda
« on: November 07, 2006, 11:28:59 PM »
wasn't sure if I should post this, but I think it will be well received. The sky has not fallen here in MA since gay marriage was allowed.

Quote
Blame it all on the gay agenda

By Steve Kluger  |  November 2, 2006

IT'S FINALLY happened. We've been exposed. With the recent ruling by the New Jersey Supreme Court requiring equal marital rights for same-gender couples, the Homosexual Agenda has been outed by our spiritual leaders -- who urge Americans to vote Republican on Election Day in order to preserve our few remaining national values.


What's there left to do but come clean? Although we've attempted to keep our covert ops cloaked in diverting sequins, there's no plugging the leaks that have revealed our subversive intentions. It's the Pentagon Papers all over again.

The truth began to emerge last week when a male couple was wed in Massachusetts. Twenty minutes later, three heterosexual marriages fell apart in Kansas City. Under ordinary circumstances, one of our operatives would have been present to hide the evidence under a stack of Liza Minnelli CDs, but he was watching an episode of "I Love Lucy" with his 9-year-old niece so that she could go forth and recruit her young friends in fourth grade.

And marriage isn't the only institution we've infiltrated. In fact, we're present in every headline that frightens you -- you just don't know it yet.

The E.coli outbreak in spinach originated in California's Salinas Valley, known for decades as "The Salad Bowl." It doesn't exactly take a degree in sociology to figure out which minority would name a massive slab of the state's geological plate after a fresh vegetable medley. And this was before the nearby Santa Lucia Mountains were rechristened the Tong-and-Chic Range.

Osama bin Laden remains at large. We're not exactly proud to claim him as one of ours, but in the interest of national security we're morally required to reveal that he moonlights as an internationally beloved drag queen -- and we can't keep track of him either. He was last spotted in Detroit as Carol Channing (his fave), but sources in the gay Taliban tell us that he's been working on a fabulous Barbara Bush. You go, girl.

Our president is not to be reviled for entangling us in a war with Iraq. When US reconnaissance aircraft flew over that country in 2002, they inadvertently filmed the Baghdad Pride Parade. No doubt it was the Joan Crawford float that was mistaken in Washington for a weapon of mass destruction. It could happen to anyone.

Don't believe that global warming is the result of fossil fuel emissions or SUVs parked in spaces marked "Compact Only." Check the graphs at the Environmental Protection Agency and note that the temperature spiked with the boxed-set DVD release of "The Complete Barbra Streisand." Then imagine the catastrophic energy consumption when 19 million disc players are programmed to repeat the ironically titled "Don't Rain on My Parade" as a continuous loop.

Yes, the North Koreans are playing with nukes. But the threat from Pyongyang might have been avoided if those hiding in the Pentagon closets had been monitoring Kim Jong-il instead of super-cute Kayne Gillaspie on "Project Runway." This was merely our diversionary tactic so that nobody would be paying attention when we slipped onto military bases around the world and convinced all the troops to turn gay. The generals were right after all. It's that easy.

Children need to be protected from the most hazardous predator currently stalking them: "A Chorus Line." It recently opened on Broadway to near-unanimous acclaim -- and if legislative action is not taken immediately, there won't be any boys left for the NFL to draft in 2016 who aren't wearing tap shoes and tights.

And since it's going to come out sooner or later anyway, you might as well know that Ethel Merman was a man.

So before you vote on Nov. 7, remember that the escalating decay we suffer as a nation is not due to a dishonest and immoral war, nor to an ethic that drives school children to acquire assault weapons for show-and-tell, nor to a callous disregard of the natural resources that we've plundered into near-extinction. Instead, blame it all on two anonymous guys in New Jersey who just want to pledge their lives to one another.

Then listen to your heart.

Steve Kluger is a novelist and playwright.
Copyright 2006 Globe Newspaper Company.
"toss away stuff you don't need in the end
but keep what's important, and know who's your friend"
"It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses."

Offline nab

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2006, 01:31:47 AM »
People who don't see discrimination of gays as discrimination are only fooling themselves.  If you believe that sexual orientation is a choice, try choosing opposite your preference some time and see how sexy that feels.

Offline rowjimmy

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2006, 10:31:28 AM »
Well said, nab.

As far as I'm concerned, definition of marriage laws and their ilk are simply a form of legislation religion which, last time I checked, violates the US constitution.

Offline slslbs

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2006, 10:45:56 AM »
the above article is obviously tongue in cheek. I hope people won't comment on the title and think that's where I'm coming from.

Personally, whatever consenting adults want to do is fine. There is no reason why gays can't have the same kind of "certified" relationships as straights-IMO people are afraid that if we allow this than there will be an attempt for mass conversion of our kids to gay lifestyle, which is ridiculous. I could go on, but I won't for now.

"toss away stuff you don't need in the end
but keep what's important, and know who's your friend"
"It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses."

Offline kellerb

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2006, 09:33:48 PM »
If right-wing religionists are so against Gay Sex, why are they opposed to gay marriage? nyuk nyuk nyuk

ma215

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2006, 09:40:59 PM »
^^^ well said. Considering gay marriage would be between two consenting adults I don't see what is wrong w/ it. They are pledging to remain w/ each other for the rest of their lives, for better or worse. Still don't see anything wrong w/ it even tho i am a not a gay male. (Not that there is anything wrong w/ it [one of the best Seinfeld lines ever]).

Offline Gumbo72203

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2006, 08:24:01 PM »
yeah...  this gay thing pisses the fuck out of me.  (seriously... i get so pissed off that i dont want to have sex with my girlfriend, and THAT pisses me off).  but um... yeah.  i dont even know where to begin except that its infinitely fucked up and bullshit that some people are arrogant enough to think that they are really better than someone else, and that their ways are superior to those of someone else.  I thought discrimination was illegal in this country?  Ok, that just means we find someone new to pick on and bully.  Who the fuck are you to say that 2 people cant get married?  who the fuck are you to say that its wrong for 2 people to love each other?  You say your god is perfect, and that it does everything for a reason.  OK, so why did he create gay people, if all you do is use your religion to hinder their existence?  I thought god couldn't do any wrong? 

Ok, so gay people aren't "true" humans in that their existence isnt for the reproduction of more humans, and this is the reason why they can't get married.  Ok, cool, so why dont you go after infertile women?  or all women over 50 and in menopause?  What about all those who have hysterectomies?  They're going to hell now right?  Oh, whats that i hear?  Hypocrisy?  you bet. 


this anti-gay bullshit is the biggest load of bullshit i have ever heard in my life.  Im straight, and i hate when gay people hit on me or whatever.  but i am not diluted enough to think that my way of life is any better than anyone else, or that i should exert control over someone else just because their lifestyle is different than yours. 

wow im so pissed off i cant even get my thoughts together to create sentences that accurately reflect what im thinking and feeling.  gahgpewaghpawfhweafpgahwapofhewaf
"Just drink some water, and breathe through your nose."  -Slim, 3/7/09


%% with alternated lyrics about a 1995 jeep cherokee that was also sacraficed on this tour.

I think I got it but he's such a spaz he'll probably never open this thread again

Offline nab

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2006, 01:20:55 AM »
Really though ^^, marriage is tough enough for heterosexuals, if homosexuals want to try it, i say more power to them.

Edit:  What I mean is, anyone brave enough to get married, and then attempt to succeed at marriage, in this day and age, deserves a big fuckin' gold star, in my book.  Hetro or Homo. 
« Last Edit: November 24, 2006, 01:27:39 AM by nab »

Offline gimmetela

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #8 on: November 24, 2006, 09:56:35 AM »
I just got a big healthy dose of all this bullshit this weekend.  My Mom and her life partner, Claudette,  have been together for 15 years.  My mom was put into the hospital on Friday with heart complications (the first time she's been the ER or hospital since I can remember and I'm 29.) and they weren't going to let Claudette in to see her past visiting hours.  Claudette can't apply for FMLA for missing work.  Needless to say, when I got to the hospital I changed all that.  I told the nurses that she was just as much a part of my family as a parent, and they let her in.  My mom, Claudette and I signed a medical power of attorney in case something happens to mom and i need help with any medical decisions that need to be made.  It's ridiculous that we have to get a notary to witness documentation that gives us permission to make decisions as a family that people from hetero families take for granted.  Talk about a stressful holiday week.

My mom's out of the hospital and doing fine, BTW. 

Offline susep

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Re: Blame it all on the gay agenda
« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2006, 09:56:47 AM »
Edit:  What I mean is, anyone brave enough to get married, and then attempt to succeed at marriage, in this day and age, deserves a big fuckin' gold star, in my book.  Hetro or Homo. 

 :-D, well said.