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Mitch Hedberg

Started by anthrax, February 26, 2020, 02:04:38 PM

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anthrax

Starting this thread as a place to share some of his great quotes...

QuoteThe depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.


QuoteYou know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something

PIE-GUY

This shirt is dry clean only, which means... it's dirty.
I've been coming to where I am from the get go
Find that I can groove with the beat when I let go
So put your worries on hold
Get up and groove with the rhythm in your soul

mistercharlie

Alcoholism is a disease. But it's like the only disease you can get yelled at for having. "Damnit, Otto, you're an alcoholic!" "Damnit, Otto, you have lupus!" One of those two doesn't sound right.
"I used to be 'with it', but then they changed what 'it' was and now what I'm with isn't 'it' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me"
Quote from: kellerb on August 02, 2009, 02:29:05 AM
You haven't lived until you've had a robot shart in your ear and followed along in the live setlist thread while it happens. 

VDB

Timely. A friend sent me some Mitch internet just the other day.

QuoteMitch Hedberg would've been the greatest tweeter of all time. His musings — the foggy ramblings of a campfire acid trip, the lizard-brain reflections during a groggy shower, the banal grievances and humiliations of civilian life — were perfectly tuned to the digital age. Hedberg's rough drafts were his art; he never feared the stupidity of a bit, and he trusted that the audience in front of him had the same twisted inner monologue rattling around their own skulls. His best jokes were about 140 characters long, and they vibrate with an innate humanity — the inarticulable spirit world whispering in your ear — whenever you lay eyes on a broken-down escalator.

via https://www.vulture.com/2020/02/best-mitch-hedberg-jokes.html
Is this still Wombat?

ytowndan

On a traffic light, green means "go" and yellow means "yield." But on a banana, it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on" and yellow means "go ahead." And red means "where the fuck did you get that banana?"
Quote from: nab on July 27, 2007, 12:20:24 AM
You never drink alone when you have something good to listen to.

anthrax


mistercharlie

"I used to be 'with it', but then they changed what 'it' was and now what I'm with isn't 'it' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me"
Quote from: kellerb on August 02, 2009, 02:29:05 AM
You haven't lived until you've had a robot shart in your ear and followed along in the live setlist thread while it happens. 

Caravan2001

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later. So, yeah.'"

mbw

Quote from: mistercharlie on March 05, 2020, 11:15:02 AM
Mitch's last Late Night set has finally been released!

https://nerdist.com/article/mitch-hedberg-last-late-night-set/?fbclid=IwAR1YJ007y90ZUg1UEYrPlfNDER0amKSa1JYvIWqs2fK_g5MuHRg4JB7Hm18

I hate to dream cause dreaming takes energy.  Sleeping is supposed to be a relaxing affair.
I lay down in the bed and it feels great, next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord.  :hereitisyousentimentalbastard

anthrax


Marmar

I saw a wino eating grapes I said, "Dude, you've got to wait"
Who's the Marmar? I'm the Marmar!!!

Phish doesn't write beautiful music...the beautiful music happens after the written parts.

<gainesvillegreen> now, if they could get their sound to be as good as the lights, we'd have a band hee-yah!!

Music is what feelings sound like.

mistercharlie

Every book is a coloring book, if you hate librarians.
"I used to be 'with it', but then they changed what 'it' was and now what I'm with isn't 'it' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me"
Quote from: kellerb on August 02, 2009, 02:29:05 AM
You haven't lived until you've had a robot shart in your ear and followed along in the live setlist thread while it happens.