My local brewery sends me an email every week that includes a Friday Beer Quote Of The Day and they are often very good. I liked this one and started a thread here to share the humor. I'll also see if I have any old one in my emails somewhere.
FRIDAY BEER QUOTE OF THE DAY 11/19/2010:
"A man dies too young if he leaves any beer in his refrigerator." - Anonymous
Just opened this one today.
"On some days, my head is filled with such wild and original thoughts that I can barely utter a word. On other days, the brewery is closed." - Frank Varano
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--I forget who said it...anyone?
Quote from: sunrisevt on November 28, 2010, 01:19:36 PM
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--I forget who said it...anyone?
Benjamin Franklin. :roll:
this has always been one of my favorites... it was written the wall in my room years ago....
QuoteAristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
-Brennan Manning
Quote"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." - Kaiser Wilhelm
Quote"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
-Jack Handy
Quote"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
-Homer Simpson
Quote"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
-Cliff Clavin, of Cheers
Quote"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
-Cliff Clavin, of Cheers
:clap:
(http://www.tampabaycriminaldefenselawyerblog.com/Beer%20-%20Helping%20White%20Guys.jpg)
Quote"Beer... The cause of, and solution to all of life's little problems." - Homer Simpson
"Lordy Lordy I need a 40." - Henry Jones, burned out firefighter
Mr. C- without a doubt the Paugs #1 post whore.
PostHoFoSho
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." -Frank Zappa
This one isn't directly related to beer, but it's still pretty great:
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra
Quote from: iamhydroJen on December 10, 2010, 08:41:01 PM
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra
Ha.
Reminds me of this one: "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -Dean Martin
Quote from: iamhydroJen on December 10, 2010, 08:41:01 PM
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra
That's an awesome quote! I'd never heard that before.
"Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer."
-Brennan Manning
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
-Homer
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow
Than to spend tonight like there's no money.
—P.J. O'Rourke
Drink, for you know not when you came nor why
Drink, for you know not why you go nor whence.
—Omar Khayyam
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools."
-- Ernest Hemingway
"Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."
- Voltaire
Quote"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." – Al Bundy
Here's today's:
"Women and drink. Too much of either can drive you to the other" - Michael Still
Quote from: nab on December 11, 2010, 02:02:16 AM
Quote"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." – Al Bundy
This is a good one.
Quote from: mistercharlie on November 28, 2010, 01:20:14 PM
Quote from: sunrisevt on November 28, 2010, 01:19:36 PM
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--I forget who said it...anyone?
Benjamin Franklin. :roll:
Wow!! To think that this is actually a great quote from Benjamin Franklin, and I was gonna guess that it was none other than Norm...
"Da Bears"
Quote from: nab on December 11, 2010, 02:02:16 AM
Quote"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." – Al Bundy
ahhhh, the all american father. :beers:
I really like todays quote:
"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking beer today. - Edgar Allan Poe
"Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze, 'cause thinking and drinking are all I have today" - John Barlow
Quote from: mistercharlie on December 10, 2010, 09:45:04 PM
Quote from: iamhydroJen on December 10, 2010, 08:41:01 PM
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra
That's an awesome quote! I'd never heard that before.
Frank says it on "Live At The Sands"
He attributes it to someone else..
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 28, 2011, 06:32:00 PM
"Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze, 'cause thinking and drinking are all I have today" - John Barlow
perry?
Quote from: zimbra on January 29, 2011, 02:46:32 PM
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 28, 2011, 06:32:00 PM
"Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze, 'cause thinking and drinking are all I have today" - John Barlow
perry?
Yes, John Perry Barlow. The quote was taken from the Grateful Dead song Mexicali Blues.
Here's the full lyrics to that section:
"Is there anything a man don't stand to lose
When the devil wants to take it all away
Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze
'Cause thinking and drinking are all I have today."
Good to know they have some GD fans at the Oaken Barrel. Well, not too big of a surprise, I guess, but still.
Quote from: Tomapella on January 29, 2011, 11:14:58 PM
"Good to know they have some GD fans at the Oaken Barrel. Well, not too big of a surprise, I guess, but still."
fyp
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 29, 2011, 09:06:29 PM
Quote from: zimbra on January 29, 2011, 02:46:32 PM
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 28, 2011, 06:32:00 PM
"Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze, 'cause thinking and drinking are all I have today" - John Barlow
perry?
Yes, John Perry Barlow. The quote was taken from the Grateful Dead song Mexicali Blues.
Here's the full lyrics to that section:
"Is there anything a man don't stand to lose
When the devil wants to take it all away
Cherish well your thoughts and keep a tight grip on your booze
'Cause thinking and drinking are all I have today."
Damn, I knew that sounded familiar.
"Whiskey and Beer are a man's worst enemies...but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!" - Zeca Palomino (Brazilian song writer)
If Jerry were here I'd buy him a beer - Magic Hat #9 cap on Jerry's birthday
"Put it back in the horse!" - H. Allen smith, after he drank his first Budweiser.
"Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer" - Janis Joplin
Lot of great quotes in here, thanks mrc! :clap:
"I work until beer o'clock" - Stephen King
Quote from: mistercharlie on March 25, 2011, 03:44:25 PM
"I work until beer o'clock" - Stephen King
The problem is, that's pretty much where my watch is always stopped at. :|
Quote from: goodabouthood on March 26, 2011, 10:17:33 AM
Quote from: mistercharlie on March 25, 2011, 03:44:25 PM
"I work until beer o'clock" - Stephen King
The problem is, that's pretty much where my watch is always stopped at. :beerbang:
fyp.
Music is grand with a beer in hand
----------------
Now playing: Grateful Dead - Dark Star-) (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/grateful+dead/track/dark+star-))
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)
"They who drink beer will think beer." - Washington Irving
"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety." - Shakespeare, King Henry V
Quote from: mistercharlie on April 15, 2011, 04:34:41 PM
"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety." - Shakespeare, King Henry V
Maslow's Shakespeare's hierarchy of needs
Quote from: kellerb on April 15, 2011, 06:37:57 PM
Quote from: mistercharlie on April 15, 2011, 04:34:41 PM
"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety." - Shakespeare, King Henry V
Maslow's Shakespeare's hierarchy of needs
Ha! Maslow stole his idea from the immortal bard.
Although, that's like trading the fourth level for the first two levels.
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - Tom Waits
Although, I'm fairly certain this quote didn't originate with Tom Waits I've seen it attributed to him a few times. Plus every time I see it I think of that song that used to play on Dr. Demento.
Quote from: mistercharlie on April 22, 2011, 05:37:25 PM
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - Tom Waits
Although, I'm fairly certain this quote didn't originate with Tom Waits I've seen it attributed to him a few times. Plus every time I see it I think of that song that used to play on Dr. Demento.
This reminds me. I have a friend that works as an admissions counselor at a community college and she told me at least once a week she has someone ask to apply to the lobotomy program (obviously, meaning the phlebotomy program :hereitisyousentimentalbastard)
"A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure." - Czech Proverb
Quote from: mistercharlie on May 21, 2011, 06:04:58 PM
"A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure." - Czech Proverb
good one! :hereitisyousentimentalbastard
Quote from: goodabouthood on May 25, 2011, 01:12:37 PM
Quote from: mistercharlie on May 21, 2011, 06:04:58 PM
"A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure." - Czech Proverb
good one! :hereitisyousentimentalbastard
I live by this motto.
"Beer is just like Ketchup: It goes with everything!" - Anonymous
Quote from: mistercharlie on June 03, 2011, 04:41:20 PM
"Beer is just like Ketchup: It goes with everything!" - Anonymous
It's true for beer, ketchup I'm not so sure...
Oaken Barrel didn't send out a newsletter this week so I dug through an old book I got from my great gradfather called "The Encyclopedia of Stories, Quotations and Anecdotes" It was printed in 1957 and is signed by the author:
"Though a fifth will go into three with none left over, there may be one to carry."
"Beer is the answer. I don't remember the question." - Anonymous
Quote from: mistercharlie on July 01, 2011, 06:09:51 PM
"Beer is the answer. I don't remember the question." - Anonymous
Excellent! :clap:
:beers:
This weeks quote came from one of Oaken Barrels barflies.
"Legal drinking age in Poland is 'I have 3 Euros'." -Wiley
Just now checking my email this week.
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory." - Bumper Sticker.
Quote from: mistercharlie on July 31, 2011, 07:57:11 PM
Just now checking my email this week.
"A bartender dealer is just a pharmacist with an unlimited inventory." - Bumper Sticker.
this also works.
"God made yeast, as well as dough, and he loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Beer is a man's worst enemy... but the man who runs away from his enemy is a coward!" - Zeca Pagodinho
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 02, 2011, 08:39:32 PM
"Beer is a man's worst enemy... but the man who runs away from his enemy is a coward!" - Zeca Pagodinho
This is why I challenge myself to face my enemy everyday.
Quote from: goodabouthood on September 03, 2011, 10:33:46 AM
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 02, 2011, 08:39:32 PM
"Beer is a man's worst enemy... but the man who runs away from his enemy is a coward!" - Zeca Pagodinho
This is why I challenge myself to face my enemy everyday.
And it's why I keep my friends close and my enemies closer.
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 03, 2011, 04:34:06 PM
Quote from: goodabouthood on September 03, 2011, 10:33:46 AM
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 02, 2011, 08:39:32 PM
"Beer is a man's worst enemy... but the man who runs away from his enemy is a coward!" - Zeca Pagodinho
This is why I challenge myself to face my enemy everyday.
And it's why I keep my friends close and my enemies closer.
I don't let my friends come between me and my enemies
Quote from: kellerb on September 03, 2011, 10:26:01 PM
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 03, 2011, 04:34:06 PM
Quote from: goodabouthood on September 03, 2011, 10:33:46 AM
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 02, 2011, 08:39:32 PM
"Beer is a man's worst enemy... but the man who runs away from his enemy is a coward!" - Zeca Pagodinho
This is why I challenge myself to face my enemy everyday.
And it's why I keep my friends close and my enemies closer.
I don't let my friends come between me and my enemies
All good advice, also, my enemies enemy is my friend.
"Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and celebrate the good days." - Ancient Egyptian Credo
Quote from: mistercharlie on October 14, 2011, 07:53:35 PM
"Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and celebrate the good days." - Ancient Egyptian Credo
I enjoy these every week. :clap:
"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire." - David Wallace
I just invented the word Pyroholics
Quote from: kellerb on November 04, 2011, 06:40:56 PM
I just invented the word Pyroholics
It's actually been used before. Unfortunately every help center seems to burn down before you hear about it :|
Quote from: WhatstheUse? on November 04, 2011, 07:53:32 PM
Quote from: kellerb on November 04, 2011, 06:40:56 PM
I just invented the word Pyroholics
It's actually been used before. Unfortunately every help center seems to burn down before you hear about it :|
It takes way less than 12 steps to flick a bic
Quote from: kellerb on November 04, 2011, 08:00:41 PM
Quote from: WhatstheUse? on November 04, 2011, 07:53:32 PM
Quote from: kellerb on November 04, 2011, 06:40:56 PM
I just invented the word Pyroholics
It's actually been used before. Unfortunately every help center seems to burn down before you hear about it :|
It takes way less than 12 steps to flick a bic
I considered joining myself but was turned off by the whole "higher power created fire" concept.
I CREATE FIRE!!!!!
"Beer is better than women. Blonde, Red, or Brunette you can always take the beer you want" - Herbert Cavet
"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today." - Edgar Allan Poe
eta: Damned drunkards over at Sun King have already used this one fairly recently. :|
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 21, 2011, 03:57:07 PM
I really like todays quote:
"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking beer today. - Edgar Allan Poe
Quote from: mistercharlie on November 18, 2011, 05:20:54 PM
"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today." - Edgar Allan Poe
eta: Damned drunkards over at Sun King have already used this one fairly recently. :|
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 21, 2011, 03:57:07 PM
I really like todays quote:
"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking beer today. - Edgar Allan Poe
HA! The drunnkards at Sun King are worse than the potheads at livephish :hereitisyousentimentalbastard
"Whoever serves beer watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown." - Medieval plea for pure libations
"It was as natural as eating and, to me, as necessary. I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking a beer." - Ernest Hemingway
gotta jibboo, gotta jibboo...
Quote from: mistercharlie on January 07, 2012, 02:21:24 PM
"It was as natural as eating and, to me, as necessary. I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking a beer." - Ernest Hemingway
I've been waiting for a Hemingway quote. :-)
A few days late...
"There are more old drunks than there are old doctors." - Willie Nelson
"It is never too early to start thinking about investment opportunities for 2012. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49 today! If you bought same amount in AIG one year ago, you would have $33, and Lehman Brothers stock would be worth nothing today. But, if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turn in the aluminum can for recycling, you would have received $124. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg plan." - John Duncan
"A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that, on average Americans drink 22 gallons of beer a year(hopefully Oaken Barrel's beer). That means that the average Americans gets about 41 miles to the gallon! That's better than the Chevy Volt!" - John Duncan, an Oaken Barrel regular customer.
Quote from: mistercharlie on February 13, 2012, 08:15:16 AM
"A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that, on average Americans drink 22 gallons of beer a year(hopefully Oaken Barrel's beer). That means that the average Americans gets about 41 miles to the gallon! That's better than the Chevy Volt!" - John Duncan, an Oaken Barrel regular customer.
I'd need a heavy duty calculator to do my own calculation.
Counselor: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out ALL NIGHT.
Homer: Who would've thought, me, mild mannered Homer Simpson could turn out to be the Pie-Man?
Lisa: Dad, you're not mild mannered. You're often liquored-up and rude.
And the real one today...
"It is disgusting to note the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects and amount of money that goes out of the country in consequence. Everybody is using coffee. If possible, this must be prevented. My people must drink beer." - Frederick the Great
"Life alas, is very drear. Up with the glass, down with the beer!" - Louis Untermeyer
"I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't find a drink" - Tom Waites
(https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/599086_369513563108709_1361766843_n.jpg)
Benjamin Franklin suggested that we drinkers should thank the heavens that the human elbow is located where it is because we "are enabled to drink at our ease, the glass going directly to the mouth."
(https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/557082_4155631501837_661057376_n.jpg)
In honor of National Drink a Beer Day... Seriously!!
http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2012/09/28/national-drink-beer-day/ (http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2012/09/28/national-drink-beer-day/)
Here's the first good one in awhile.
"Here's to the lasses who drink their beers, and downs them with rest of us. And here is to the ones who don't touch it at all, and leaves that more for the rest of us!" - An Irish Toast
"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." - Henry Lawson
Quote from: mistercharlie on September 06, 2013, 04:46:45 PM
"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." - Henry Lawson
This is a damn good quote. I like it a lot.
Probably on an earlier page, but I'm lazy and in the mood.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin.
It's been a few months since they had a good one.
"A man who doesn't drink beer and smoke cigars, is probably a Pinko Commie" - Archie Bunker
"He that buys land buys many stones. He that buys flesh buys many bones. He that buys eggs buys many shells. But he that buys good beer buys nothing else." - An Irish drinking quote
You guys came by to have some fun.
You'll come and stay all night, I fear.
But I know how to make you run.
I'll serve you all generic beer.
– Irish Quote
"I need a six pack to hold me until I tap the keg." – Homer Simpson