Topic: Mitch Hedberg

[anthrax]

Starting this thread as a place to share some of his great quotes...

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something

[PIE-GUY]

This shirt is dry clean only, which means... it's dirty.

[mistercharlie]

Alcoholism is a disease. But it's like the only disease you can get yelled at for having. "Damnit, Otto, you're an alcoholic!" "Damnit, Otto, you have lupus!" One of those two doesn't sound right.

[VDB]

Timely. A friend sent me some Mitch internet just the other day.

Mitch Hedberg would’ve been the greatest tweeter of all time. His musings — the foggy ramblings of a campfire acid trip, the lizard-brain reflections during a groggy shower, the banal grievances and humiliations of civilian life — were perfectly tuned to the digital age. Hedberg’s rough drafts were his art; he never feared the stupidity of a bit, and he trusted that the audience in front of him had the same twisted inner monologue rattling around their own skulls. His best jokes were about 140 characters long, and they vibrate with an innate humanity — the inarticulable spirit world whispering in your ear — whenever you lay eyes on a broken-down escalator.

via https://www.vulture.com/2020/02/best-mitch-hedberg-jokes.html

[ytowndan]

On a traffic light, green means "go" and yellow means "yield." But on a banana, it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on" and yellow means "go ahead." And red means "where the fuck did you get that banana?"

[anthrax]

via https://www.vulture.com/2020/02/best-mitch-hedberg-jokes.html

Nice!  hadn't heard this one before...

[mistercharlie]

Mitch's last Late Night set has finally been released!

https://nerdist.com/article/mitch-hedberg-last-late-night-set/?fbclid=IwAR1YJ007y90ZUg1UEYrPlfNDER0amKSa1JYvIWqs2fK_g5MuHRg4JB7Hm18

[Caravan2001]

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later. So, yeah.'"

[mbw]

Mitch's last Late Night set has finally been released!

https://nerdist.com/article/mitch-hedberg-last-late-night-set/?fbclid=IwAR1YJ007y90ZUg1UEYrPlfNDER0amKSa1JYvIWqs2fK_g5MuHRg4JB7Hm18

I hate to dream cause dreaming takes energy.  Sleeping is supposed to be a relaxing affair.
I lay down in the bed and it feels great, next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord. 

[anthrax]

Mitch's last Late Night set has finally been released!

https://nerdist.com/article/mitch-hedberg-last-late-night-set/?fbclid=IwAR1YJ007y90ZUg1UEYrPlfNDER0amKSa1JYvIWqs2fK_g5MuHRg4JB7Hm18

Nice!  But what a bummer to see how F'ed up he was.

[Marmar]

I saw a wino eating grapes I said, "Dude, you've got to wait"

[mistercharlie]

Every book is a coloring book, if you hate librarians.