Phish Rules

[redrum]

or Rules for Phish....


It is VERY IMPORTANT to be the first guy in your area to shout out the name of the song as soon as they start playing it. Even if you aren't completely sure, just go for it. The benefits of being right far outweigh the negatives of being wrong

(side note, this does not work for David Bowie and Maze, as it is impossible to tell the difference between the beginnings of those songs)
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Sometimes they play Tweezer in the beginning of the show and the end. Don't freak out, just turn to your neighbor and say "Tweezer again? Give me a break!" He will laugh and probably offer you drugs. take them without even looking to see what they are
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Vets want 1st timers to have the best time possible. For General Admission shows, as you march closer to the front, if someone gives you a look or says something just tell them its your first show and they'll let you right on by
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85% of the doses found on lot will be bunk therefore be sure to grab at least 10-20 b4 showtime to be sure you get to the right plane, don't worry if the first one works just keep eating them trust me
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contrary to popular belief, grinding up on wookettes during a sick jam is perfectly acceptable. just make sure you pack a bowl for her brah to puff on while you get down
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during "Wading in the Velvet Sea" the crowd usually puts its hands up in the air and move them back and forth with Treys jam

during "Prince Caspian" it is similar, the crowd puts their arms on their neighbors shoulders and sway back and forth with the music
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call all your friends and hold the phone up in the air during the sickest jams. it will sound great on the other end of the line, and your friends will appreciate it
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Yes, there are enough sinks for everyone to piss in
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Glowsticks are a must. Make sure to bring enough for everyone though.

Also, the band thinks its hilarious when you chunk the big ones at them while they play. Try to hit them in the face if possible. If you do, you get backstage passes to the rest of the tour
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The band enjoys playing games with their fans. So if a glowstick comes your way, make sure to hum it at TREY first, he is worth 10 points, Mike and Page are worth 8 points, and if you hit fishman its -5. A head shot is multiplier x2!
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If a female phan, or phanette as they are known in the scene, asks you for a "schwill" of your beverage, by all means give it to her. She doesn't have Hep C and she will probably only politely take a small sip. This is encouraged behavior
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You may ingest so many drugs that you are unsteady on your feet. If this happens, always be sure to have a burning cigarette to wave around - it keeps the riff raff away
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make sure each of your friends smokes a cigarette at different times, preferably one right after the other...this ensures the perfect amount of smoke for the lights to bounce off of so everyone can enjoy them

try to burn the people around you with said cigarette. that way, they have a scar to remember the show by
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if you wear a hemp necklace and/or patchwork pants/dress, everyone will assume you've been part of the scene for years. growing a single dreadlock is pretty cool, too.
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you might meet some gents from an organization called the Twelve Tribes. Trust them, they're just there to help you. Oftentimes, if you are fortunate, they might invite you on their bus. If you do get the invite, it might be the start of something special

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This heady guy loses his daughter Molly at almost every single show, if you see him looking for her please stop and help him find her

When you get out of your car in the lot, there will often times be folks dressed in orange trying to give you books. If they offer you one, take it, it's The Helping Friendly Book and contains all the inherent knowledge in the universe.

[Wolfmansbrother]

"He will laugh and probably offer you drugs. take them without even looking to see what they are"

:-D
+k

[noodle]

Twelve tribes still rocking huh? I still have a killer pamphlet somewhere. Thanks for the remimder on proper etiquette. I for one will follow to a T.

[Ri©h]

5 years later and people actually think this stupid shit is still funny...?

:roll:  <<<(They don't make one of these big enough for this thread.)

[WhatstheUse?]

I got a few laughs out of it but I have a feeling there's a "PT >>>>" in this threads future....

[Ri©h]

Bro, that shit's been passed around the internet since....  fuck, a really long time ago.  Pretty sure it was pre-hiatus.  To someone who hasn't seen Phish before or walked the lot it may be funny.  To be honest though, it's old and it sucks now.

[G. Augusto]

Bro, that shit's been passed around the internet since....  fuck, a really long time ago.  Pretty sure it was pre-hiatus.  To someone who hasn't seen Phish before or walked the lot it may be funny.  To be honest though, it's old and it sucks now.

Heady.
Your claim-to-fame is being on the internet "years" ago.  :lol:

[Ri©h]

Bro, that shit's been passed around the internet since....  fuck, a really long time ago.  Pretty sure it was pre-hiatus.  To someone who hasn't seen Phish before or walked the lot it may be funny.  To be honest though, it's old and it sucks now.

Heady.
Your claim-to-fame is being on the internet "years" ago.  :lol:

Do you really want to start shit between us again?  I thought we ironed that out.  Apparently not.

[G. Augusto]

Bro, that shit's been passed around the internet since....  fuck, a really long time ago.  Pretty sure it was pre-hiatus.  To someone who hasn't seen Phish before or walked the lot it may be funny.  To be honest though, it's old and it sucks now.

Heady.
Your claim-to-fame is being on the internet "years" ago.  :lol:

Do you really want to start shit between us again?  I thought we ironed that out.  Apparently not.

LOL.
Are you the resident douchebag these days?
Relax, guy.
a

[Ri©h]

Bro, that shit's been passed around the internet since....  fuck, a really long time ago.  Pretty sure it was pre-hiatus.  To someone who hasn't seen Phish before or walked the lot it may be funny.  To be honest though, it's old and it sucks now.

Heady.
Your claim-to-fame is being on the internet "years" ago.  :lol:

Do you really want to start shit between us again?  I thought we ironed that out.  Apparently not.

LOL.
Are you the resident douchebag these days?
Relax, guy.
a

Remember rec.music.phish when it first started?  Oh wait...  you were still in junior high then.  My bad.    :lol:

[G. Augusto]

Bro, that shit's been passed around the internet since....  fuck, a really long time ago.  Pretty sure it was pre-hiatus.  To someone who hasn't seen Phish before or walked the lot it may be funny.  To be honest though, it's old and it sucks now.

Heady.
Your claim-to-fame is being on the internet "years" ago.  :lol:

Do you really want to start shit between us again?  I thought we ironed that out.  Apparently not.

LOL.
Are you the resident douchebag these days?
Relax, guy.
a

Remember rec.music.phish when it first started?  Oh wait...  you were still in junior high then.  My bad.    :lol:

How many shows did you see?
Less than me, kid.

:::Modded at Rich's request::::

I'd be bitter if I were unemployed and not seeing any upcoming Phish shows.
I might even troll Redrum and these "kids" by trying to berate them for not seeing any shows.
Again, you prove that you're a nobody.
Rich, lol.
a

[rowjimmy]

While some of it felt awfully familiar, I thought it was funny.

In fact:

[noodle]

is it me or is it getting hot in here? I relished a few chuckles out of it as well. But I also have a sense of humor.

[Wolfmansbrother]

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

[moonmoog]

i have a hemp necklace that makes me and anyone touching me invisible, we could see the whole tour